The Warmth
by Gryphons Kiss
Summary: songfic - Lamenting his life as a Turk, Reno watches over Midgar on an unusually breezy night.


Reno sat sullenly outside, at the top of Shin'ra Headquarters. He lay his head on the cold metal railing and closed his eyes. A gentle breeze carried the soft sounds of the city below. It was so colorful and yet so gray. Shin'ra had made it that way in fact. It gave him an empty feeling inside- one that he would like to change, but he knew he just couldn't. 

I'd like to close my eyes and go numb   
But there's a cold wind coming from   
The top of the highest high-rise today 

He had killed too many. He would've even been one of his own victims had he not stopped himself from jumping every time he stood at that same spot. He didn't know who or what stopped him, or why. If anything, Shin'ra would've just pushed. They wanted him to go to the edge- even in literal terms. Except at present moment… he just felt the need to reflect. He had no sense of life or death anymore. He had nothing. 

It's not a breeze cause it blows hard   
Yes and it wants me to discard the humanity I know,   
Watch the warmth blow away 

Well, he did have _some_ things… Foremost, a best friend. And not only that, Rude was a partner in the profession. They went through the same things, had the same sense of understanding, and even went deeper than that. For this Reno was grateful, and perhaps that was what kept him nailed to the earth, even at the top of that tower.   
The warm breeze blew again, shifted and changed, ebbed and rushed. It made a loud whistling noise in his ears, enough to drown out the familiar sounds still rising from below.   
Something caught his eye.   
A rose petal.   
A lone blood-red petal floating across the midnight sky. It seemed to at first come from behind him. He turned abruptly to see who was there, who had released the piece of simple beauty, but there was no one.   
So he turned his head back down to stare at the glistening lights of the grave city. 

So don't let the world bring you down   
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold   
Remember why you came and while you're alive   
Experience the warmth before you grow old 

Was there more substance than presented in that city? Not really – it was just another figment of the Shin'ra imagination. It held everything that Shin'ra had stood for – death, hatred, oppression, and poverty. And Reno was just another part of it, just another street, or another building, or another gutter. It was scary. And _that_ was what made him think every night about launching his body over the railing and ending it all right where the terror had began. 

So do you think I should adhere   
To the pressing new frontier   
And leave in my wake a trail of fear? 

Yet there was something to live for.   
In that same instance, Reno once again looked up. Another delicate rose petal swarmed by, floating on the gently buzzing breeze. This one was a lighter pink in color, and seemed to hold even more beauty and frailty than the other, like if the breeze blew harder it would just rip to shreds.   
"Reno…"   
He turned to look into the dark eyes of Rude. "What, man?"   
"What are you doing up here?"   
Reno shook his head, wiping away the negative thoughts; instead, they were replaced with a sense of comfort and affection. "Just thinkin, lookin out over the city…"   
"You know you're supposed to be workin, right?" Rude questioned.   
"Yeah, I am, aren't I?"   
"You're ass is gonna get busted if they catch you up here daydreaming, man."   
"That's just too bad," Reno answered confidently. _My time up here is worth more than they are…_

Or should I hold my head up high   
And throw a wrench in spoke by   
Leaving the air behind me clear 

Rude shrugged and walked a few steps forward to stand beside him. "So what were you thinkin about?"   
Reno smiled a bit. "A lot of things. Like how I hate this fuckin' life and how I wish Shin'ra would just disappear and leave me the fuck alone."   
Rude cringed. "You better be careful what you say, man, if they catch you you're dead."   
"Aw c'mon, Rude, have a little pride as a human being."   
"I have enough pride as a Turk," he retorted.   
"I mean real pride, as a human being, Rude. You shouldn't let anybody control you. You gotta make the best of this life while you can. I mean, we already screwed up. But there are others out there who still have an opportunity…not in the slums of this Hell, but maybe there'll be someone, someday, who can really make a difference in this world instead of that damn Shin'ra." 

So don't let the world bring you down   
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold   
Remember why you came and while you're alive   
Experience the warmth before you grow… 

Rude nodded. "I guess you're right. But we don't have much of an opportunity now. We made too many mistakes to deserve to be redeemed."   
Reno was frustrated. He wanted so much from this life, yet couldn't take anything. He had no opportunities, yet there seemed to be some lying out there somewhere… "This is fucked up man."   
"What are you talkin about?" Rude asked.   
Reno sighed and ran a hand through his messy red hair. "Nobody knows what we go through. There are those who are so pure and undefiled, that we could never have the luck of knowing them. And then there are those who are more evil than we are, who have possibly killed more, and they still live it up like you would never believe. I've seen it, Rude-"   
"I have too, man."   
"-and it ain't no fair. What are we then? Huh? I'll tell you what. We're the epitome of hatred and nefarious wrongs in this world. We're different from normal humans. We're monsters. And as God as my witness, I will make sure that our eternal souls will be saved. Because no matter what anybody fuckin' tells me, I'm better than this." He spit over the side of the railing and mixed his sweat and blood on his hands. "I'm gonna get there, I'm gonna get what I deserve. I'm gonna experience perfection before I die." He turned his body back toward the scenic city skyline and panted from anger. _Not everyone is this way… Please, God, send me someone, something, anything, anyone… Please, God, I need it…_

So don't let the world bring you down   
Not everyone here is that fucked up and cold   
Remember why you came and while you're alive   
Experience the warmth before you grow old 

His nerves began to calm a bit. He resumed his state of peace and continued to glance over the city. The view was spectacular, something only a lucky few ever got to see… And here he was, in is youth, finding the one good thing about Shin'ra. 

_Before you grow old…_

Something far in front of him came into view. He reached out for it, but it was just beyond his fingertips… 

_Where did it go…_

He squinted against the dark backdrop. The object was barely visible… 

_Where did it go…_

But it was there, lingering in front of his eyes. And then, before it floated away, he saw the final object of true beauty… 

_Where did it go…_

A soft white rose petal. 

_Where did it go…_


End file.
